Music Video Critic Gifts

Taylor Swift caricature

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

"I like his earlier work better, particularly the ones I said I didn't like at the time."

"New studies show that the so-called 'lucky man' made popular by the prog-rock band Emerson, Lake and Palmer was, in fact, just very well-connected."

"The guy who wrote 'The Frog Chorus' is sounding kinda croaky."

Elvis fan holding a sign reading 'NOT MY KING'.

"Of course I'm going to give him a tip - he should take lessons!"

"I'm astounded that your dog is channeling Eubie Blake! Has he never heard of Elton John?"

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

"This next song is about narrow-minded record executives and their reluctance to take a chance on anything a bit different."

The Music Critic.

Michael Jackson: The thriller of entertainment.

"Coming up... more of the same mindless pop songs with repetitive lyrics and nauseating melodies!"

A singer being criticised

Mega-Corp Pictures. This film will tell a story about Frederick the Great censuring one of his favorite musicians. "The Empire Strikes Bach"!

'I hate these purists who play Bach without any pedal'

"The last week of school is totally cool!"

"Brothers, what we do in life echoes in eternity, if only through the lyrics of a Coldplay song!"

"What do you mean, who are my influences?"

"I don't do spells. I'm a wizard at deciphering rap lyrics."

"Nice, but not Pavarotti''

'A new study of people who watch television all the time reveals some shocking facts....'

Snake Eats the Snake Charmer.

Focus Groupies

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

Smashed harp...

Young Simon Cowell

What can I get you? I'll have a mocha, a scone, and an explanation of Beyonce's "Formation" video. Ok. Would you like that for here or to go? Here would be good. Ok. Last month, Beyonce released a music video that expressed pride in her black heritage. Pride in black culture, pride in black physical features, pride even in the Black Panther movement. The reason this is ok is, for centuries, mainstream culture has been telling black people to be ashamed of all that. They've been told to straighte

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

Katy Perry

"It's witless, repetitive, and irritating. It's great!"

"'50 Shades of Grey?' - Oh you mean the 'Guide to Modern Music...'"

'Like the judges, he's turned his chair around to concentrate on the singing.'

Michael Jackson from the Thriller video...and at a recent court appearance.

the world's first music critic...