Vacation Video Critic Gifts

Excess Baggage: Getting a souvenir you never asked for is as bad as having to watch videos of someone's vacation.

"Do we have to go to the beach? I think the airline mixed up my luggage."

"I know we came in peace but these ones are already half cooked."

Going to Sea.

School holidays

'Looks like this part of the beach has been claimed.'

"I think we should give day camp a chance, Adrian. Let's not become prisoners of our own dogma."

"So did you folks have a nice vacation?"

The New Normal

"Dad can we stop pushing this backdrop and go on a real vacation?"

'We're being offered a two-week vacation on a tropical island.'

"... But, Derek. The travel agent told us not to drink the water!"

'This should guarantee our friends won't go to sleep watching videos of this trip.'

A captive bear is very compliant for a photo opportunity.

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

Taylor Swift caricature

You've got to stop getting all your history from Youtube and Netflix. Why? Because those are videos. People who make videos are making entertainment. It it's entertaining that means someone's constructed story. If it's a story, that means they left out or twisted whatever doesn't logically fit their narrative as told from one point of view. Accurate history would be completely illogical. Oliver Stone would disagree.

"Did you get the Gundersons' pics of their Caribbean cruise?"

Blonde woman talking to airport bookshop assistant, 'I'll be spending a lot of time by the pool - do you have anything in pink that would match my bikini?'

"Have you tried Trip Advisor?"

'There's nothing to beat a real seaside holiday is there?'

'For heaven's sake! We're only going to the caravan for a week!'

Schematic Map of Seaside Heights Town Beach, Summer, 2007

Branch No3 is free sir: It will be $10...

'I like to watch my wedding video running backwards so I can walk out of church a free man!'

The beach was lovely - but you had to go through Hell to get there.

"We're after a remote, unexplored, 'off-the-beaten-track' location with decent wi-fi?"

"We want a good selection of shops,restaurants and activities, but no tourists!"

'I don't know about you, but even I'm getting bored with all the cat stuff on Facebook.'

'...Isn't keeping fit fun...?'

This week on Youtube, I counted 150,360 comments beneath 178 "Star Trek: Discovery" reviews. That's amazing. Yeah. And 49% of those comments were people saying the show is unwatchable. 1% of the comments are people asking if the show's unwatchable, how come you've been commenting on every episode and you're still here at episode 11? 50% of the comments are praise for the show. 30% of that 50% of the comments is from people pointing out that they used to only be 40%. I'm not sure the math god san

'There must be some place around here where I can use my charge cards!'

"It is so sad to see what's become of him! Can you believe that used to be Pizza Rat."

'Eight hundred million channels and there's still nothing good on!'

British Governments answer to all problems - Go on holiday!