Home Video Critic Gifts

"Dude, I don't mind watching your holiday video, but can you fast-forward it please..."

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

'All right! Who put my dozing-off during our last meeting on youtube?'

'...And now, the film most criticized for eroding traditional family values, the nominees are...'

What do you say we team up to star in a sequel to "The Elephant Man" called "The Wolverine Boy"? !

'What do you mean, 'pass the remote control'?... We're at the cinema!'

'Do me a favor and don't let my dog see my license photo.'

A father films his family while imagining himself as a director

"See, Honey, I told you that TV would fit in this room!"

"Great idea. Movies are so much better on the big screen."

Oscars 2024

Lord of the Rings IV.

"You played yourself in your last picture. Everyone found it unconvincing."

True Story Movie

'I hope this DVD has some worthwhile in-front-of-the-scenes content.'

"Face it - in this town, either you're a star or you're just another brown dwarf."

"The truth? You can't HANDLE the truth!"

'Popcorn? Sure. Would you like huge, mega, super-duper huge or gigundazillion multi multi really insanely huge?'

Planet of the Apes(with apes evolving to humans as the cinema patrons)

'He's picture perfect, alright, but the negative leaves a little to be desired.'

Martin Scorsese Roasts Your Fandom

Too many cooks also spoil the movie.

'Vacuums!'

Griller highlights never gets old

"Would you care to see a YouTube of your chicken when it was free ranging?"

"Hear me out. Batman - again."

I think the best thing about this whole Russia stuff is the movies. Interesting hypothesis. Think about it: the best action movies we ever had were the cold war ones, like "Wargames," "The Manchurian Candidate," "The Day After," etc

The Pride of Frankenstein

"I don't care if he's an endangered species, captain - I'm going to blast him."

"The video of our wedding now includes commentary."

'The critic says, 'the film had me on the edge of my seat and long gone before it ended'.'

Film Critic

'The only thing that made sense was the violence.'

"When you said something about a stream, I thought you were talking about video."