Music-loving Uncle Pillows

Pianist.

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

How Nature Senses a Change in the Weather

'There's old Jim off to the shops. Slowed down a lot these days, ain't he.'

Around the Dogbox in 80 Days.

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"Nixon was the same way when he first got here."

'Wait! Let's see if he gets up on his own.'

Four bites a second is about as fast as anyone can chew.

'Sorry Ben, I never noticed the baby-sitting clause in the stud contract.'

Dog traps the postman.

"A gentleman would offer his seat."

'Say... I just had no idea the red haired freckled dutchmen were so good with kids!'

"Hang on - I'm not as young as I used to be. . .!"

Help!I am being forced to eat vegetables

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

You need a new reading light

"I'm feeling like there's a 'good boy' on this side of the room."

"Edgar's very politically engaged ever since he began using his vote as an anger management tool."

"Yes, we're supposed to sing, but not Rap!"

"Let's try one with your hand tucked into your shirt."

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

'Who called me a quack?' (boy has duck on his knee in vet's surgery).

'I'd say that was just the thing to wear on a visit to an 80-year old uncle in Texas who's going to leave you five million dollars.'

President Grant's Civil Service Reform is not to the Taste of Either Party, despite Professed Enthusiasm

"No sense of smell, ears plugged and eyes fixed on their phones. I'm telling you, if I weren't domesticated I'd be all over that."

I'm beginning to regret the hearing aids.

"Russia's always bigger than you think."

Lesser Known Historical Figures: The Steno at the First Thanksgiving Dinner.

Santa Claus walks dogs

'I realize it's not much of a war, but it's all we can afford right now.'

'My 70th...hmmm.. that's shelter, food and sex out of the way. I guess it's time to move on to life's next challenge; mastery over my environment.'

Plaids set man apart from the lower animals

"Museum directory: Male statues with big d**ks. Female statues with huge tits & fat butts."

99 Dalmations - Edited for television.