Municipal Maven Gifts

Fishy Business: Federal Grant Money

"The saying Use It or Lose It isn’t referring to one’s appetite."

"The Leonardos, the Raphaels, Titians, Veroneses, Giottos... Italy wants them back, all 427 of them."

"Like that?"

A sign that reads "ART...and plenty of it!" hangs above the entrance to a museum.

Superbug Research Go For It / Got it

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

'I suppose you think that's funny.'

'We unfortunately had to compress our dinosaur area due to budget cuts. On the bright side, TyrannoTriStegoApatoHadroPlesioSaurodon Rex here is now the museum's most popular exhibit.'

'It's not as easy as you think - saddle sores, bursitis in the shoulder, pigeons...'

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'In memory of our beloved Skippy.'

Guide reading book called 'A farewell to arms.'

'You seem quieter tonight. Did they give you something to help you relax?'

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.

Hooray for Bollywood!

'She's one of our nurses hiding from the patient load.'

Look on the bright side...they'll probably name a disease after you.

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

Pre-Old Blues

The sunglasses.

'I know my instruments are sterilized every day but I have no idea who does it.'

'Well, we're off for our xmas break - I'm sure you can manage without us for a couple of weeks.'

Carbon Dating

'Gastroenterology...do I know that?'

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

Vaccine hurdles

Friends of the Royal Academy - Annual Dinner

'I'm putting you on a diet: No more fat knights, maidens only...'

The hall of bad ideas.

Firearms Museum. Blunderbuss. That's funny, I always thought a "blunderbuss" was a messed-up kiss.

Pigeons fly into an art museum and perch on sculptures.

The Exhibition at the Royal Academy

"Call me Ishmael."

"He had the Guggenheim in mind, I think."