Mundane Moments Appreciator Pillows

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Showbiz Awards

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

Malfunctioning geyser

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

A businessman waits for an elevator; on his briefcase are two stickers reading "Up" and "Down".

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

Speed Dating Disasters

Windchimes

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

Welcome to our meeting!

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

Husband Descending a Staircase After Tripping on his Wife's Shoes

How to injury yourself as an adult

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

"Now in the second law of thermodynamics..."

'On a scale of 1 to 10, 10 being the highest, how attached are you to the cat?'

"Cruz, I didn't send flowers to Rayna! We haven't dated in forever! Ever since I joked about calling her Anne Droid."

"Do you know why we pulled you over today, sir?"