Mundane Moments Appreciator Pillows

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"My older self travels back just to remind me to put the cap back on this pen?"

Showbiz Awards

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

Malfunctioning geyser

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

A businessman waits for an elevator; on his briefcase are two stickers reading "Up" and "Down".

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

Windchimes

Speed Dating Disasters

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Are you blushing?!"

Welcome to our meeting!

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

It's a shame, but I'm still deciding if it

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

Husband Descending a Staircase After Tripping on his Wife's Shoes

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

How to injury yourself as an adult

"The computers are down. You'll just have to suffer and go outside and play."

"Now in the second law of thermodynamics..."

"Don't take this the wrong way, but your sweaty hand is grossing me out."

"Do you know why we pulled you over today, sir?"