Life's Little Moments Appreciator Pillows

How to injury yourself as an adult

Showbiz Awards

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Sitting in a tree

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

Cowboy uses his hat for a private kiss.

A boy with a camera

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

Speed Dating Disasters

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"Are you blushing?!"

"Say these things, don't think them!"

Windchimes

'Have I ever told you how beautiful you are when you agree with me?'

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

It's a shame, but I'm still deciding if it

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

Husband Descending a Staircase After Tripping on his Wife's Shoes

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

'I love my mum and dad!'

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

"Now in the second law of thermodynamics..."

"Stop arguing - I'll walk myself."

"Cruz, I didn't send flowers to Rayna! We haven't dated in forever! Ever since I joked about calling her Anne Droid."

"I don't feel we've known each other long enough to sit in a booth."