Quirky Moments Appreciator Pillows

Why can't you just shake after a bath like a normal dog?

"Stop arguing - I'll walk myself."

Woman gossiping on emergency phone

Showbiz Awards

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

Mister Bundles VS. The Martians - Party Twenty Three

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

"You don't know me well enough to not care how I look."

My parents ate New York and all I got was this stupid t-shirt

'I'm not sure which I like best - the fake fire or the fake man with brandy glass in front of it.'

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

"I'm a monster."

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"Overkill, dude."

God with Earth Controller

Cheesie Rider

"Your animal companionship is here!"

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

'I'm just curious, which one of you was dropped off by their boyfriend on a really fast motorcycle?'

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Oh, I don't do the test myself Sir: Doctor Vampire does it..."

Mummy Shrink.

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

Speed Dating Disasters

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Curiosity."

'This is DESTROYING my manicure, Steve!'