Messy Moments Appreciator Pillows

Husband Descending a Staircase After Tripping on his Wife's Shoes

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

It's a shame, but I'm still deciding if it

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Tsk, the garden's full of the dog's mess again...'

Showbiz Awards

'Let's see here... Mr. Stevens... it says you slipped in the tub and hit your head.'

When we met, you told me you make a lousy first impression. Well, guess what: You also make a lousy second impression. Actually, my only decent impression is Kirk Douglas. Wanna hear it?

You're so beautiful, I can't take my eyes off you, even though there's a fly in my soup doing the backstroke, which is comedy gold!

Would madam like me to send over the sympathy steward?

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You and your daft inventions."

"Apart from that, Bob, what else did you learn on the team-building paintball weekend?"

"And they say WE have a shedding problem!"

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

Speed Dating Disasters

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Are you blushing?!"

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

Welcome to our meeting!

"Perhaps it was wrong to say 'May our company become a home to you'..."

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'