Messy Moments Appreciator Pillows

Husband Descending a Staircase After Tripping on his Wife's Shoes

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

'Tsk, the garden's full of the dog's mess again...'

Showbiz Awards

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

"You and your daft inventions."

"Apart from that, Bob, what else did you learn on the team-building paintball weekend?"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"And they say WE have a shedding problem!"

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Don't panic, she'll be back. We lock the washroom windows from the outside."

"I always know what Harry's going to say, and he always knows what I'm going to say, so, by and large, we just don't bother."

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

'You're a filthy pig, Gordon! I guess that's why I love you so much.'

Speed Dating Disasters

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Are you blushing?!"

Baldo's How to Be Uncool: No. 5. Forget how hot the coffee is while you're thinking how cool you look sitting in a coffee shop.

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"If that girl sent over a double cappuccino, maybe you should go talk to her!"

Welcome to our meeting!

"Perhaps it was wrong to say 'May our company become a home to you'..."

-'Do you have a last wish senor?' -'Yeah, I'd like to pee on your leg.'

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

"Can the bride refrain from twitching her entire left side?"

The Adventures of Morton - Harmless juggler.

'It's our first date. You don't know me well enough to ask if I'm getting enough fiber.'

"Wet wipe?"

How to injury yourself as an adult

"Now in the second law of thermodynamics..."

"Cruz, I didn't send flowers to Rayna! We haven't dated in forever! Ever since I joked about calling her Anne Droid."