Messy Moments Lover Pillows

"Apart from that, Bob, what else did you learn on the team-building paintball weekend?"

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

Tiny Visions

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

'Not quite the effect I was going for.'

"Wet wipe?"

Husband Descending a Staircase After Tripping on his Wife's Shoes

'I had a wonderful evening, Oswald but this wasn't it,I'm afraid!'

'Not again?! Honey, let your assistant do the shredding.'

'I didn't hear about any oil spill on the news!'

'Tsk, the garden's full of the dog's mess again...'

"You've been listening to the mellow sound of Station EZZZ."

"Who made this mess?"

"Tuna and chicken bone breakfast smoothie. We were going to surprise you."

'One baby, one placenta, one umbilical cord...stock-taking never takes long in here.'

Working from home

"Quick interruption to assure you I'm listening and not just rehearsing a response over and over in my head."

'Will this take long? I'm late for a very important date.'

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'The bath didn't work.'

Woman Dancing.

You're never alone! You're constantly being watched by millions of germs!

Injection Window

Bad career move (Nice paunch, sir.)

"How do I like it cut? In silence!"

"Ew! This couch is still warm from the last guy."

"So when, exactly, did you plan on cleaning all this crap up?"

"Come get in bed, Harold, and let's read the perfume ads."