Messy Moments Lover T-Shirts

"Apart from that, Bob, what else did you learn on the team-building paintball weekend?"

Fat Kid 10- Eats an ice-cream

"Have mercy on me, Mama. Have mercy on Mr. Pitiful."

'No. The television screen hasn't gone red - You've got tomato ketchup all over your glasses!'

Tiny Visions

"Baldo, Gracie...you need to learn more Spanish. For the rest of the week, I'm going to speak nothing but Spanish, and Tia Carmen will act as your interpreter, OK? Tienen tarea?"

"Wet wipe?"

Husband Descending a Staircase After Tripping on his Wife's Shoes

'Not quite the effect I was going for.'

"It just doesn't crackle like the one on Netflix."

"Don't you hate it when someone answers their own questions? I do."

'Huge waves, loose shorts and a body like a gourd. I was never going to make it through summer without a serious privacy breach.'

It's a shame, but I'm still deciding if it

'I had a wonderful evening, Oswald but this wasn't it,I'm afraid!'

'Not again?! Honey, let your assistant do the shredding.'

'Tsk, the garden's full of the dog's mess again...'

'I didn't hear about any oil spill on the news!'

"You've been listening to the mellow sound of Station EZZZ."

"Who made this mess?"

'One baby, one placenta, one umbilical cord...stock-taking never takes long in here.'

"Tuna and chicken bone breakfast smoothie. We were going to surprise you."

'Mom, Dad...I'd like you to meet Fanny'

Working from home

"Do you call this a party! I've been to livelier funerals!"

'The bath didn't work.'

"Quick interruption to assure you I'm listening and not just rehearsing a response over and over in my head."

'Will this take long? I'm late for a very important date.'

Woman Dancing.

You're never alone! You're constantly being watched by millions of germs!

Yes, your eyes are like limpid pools, but there's such a thing as too much limpidity. Your eyes are so limpid, I can see your sinus cavities.

Bad career move (Nice paunch, sir.)

"Come get in bed, Harold, and let's read the perfume ads."

"How do I like it cut? In silence!"

Injection Window

"Ew! This couch is still warm from the last guy."