Mum's Social Club Gifts

Mums at play group.

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

Cry babies.

"I'd like to get my hands on whoever coined the phrase 'sleeps like a baby'."

"Those are the names of your children? I went a different route...I memorized my kids' names."

"Mom! Don't think of me as covered with sand. Think of me as sugar coated."

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"I'm not eating cookies before dinner. I'm having cookies for dinner!"

"What makes you think I'm dripping it on my shirt?"

Lamb Noise.

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

Suffering from Cooties?

'Don't be alarmed if you hear the toilet flush a lot. Since you don't feel well, I thought I'd wash the dishes for you.'

"It's a beautiful world out there, just waiting to be discovered. Well, discovered by one of you, the rest will almost certainly die."

'This is a fine time to leave! What if the doctor delivers the baby while you're out!'

"Now I think of Mom whenever it's cold."

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

Kangaroo - Mum dropping her ice-cream on Joey's head.

'It's no problem, Mom. Samantha just likes to check on my table manners.'

"Adopted? It's cute how you think we would've picked you."

"It's called geometry, Mum."

"Listen. Nobody's cuter than anyone else! You're all equally cute!"

'The girls must be feeling better...'

"The good news is...you've one less window to wash."

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

"Then what happened?"

"Instead of taking a bath can I wear a flea collar?"

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

"They won't even try their palate cleansers!"

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

Why moms make bad refs.

'We've only got a couple of days to finish this box of cereal. Mom'll never let us eat something called energy-packed after school's out.'

"It's bold! It's moving! It's inspired! But what is it?"

"I'm so good at this!"