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No Elgar!

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

Mall Directory: You aren't here x - where the heck are you?

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"That's a plain burger and black coffee? But what kind of plain burger and what kind of black coffee?"

"Can I tell you about a few items that aren't on the menu?"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Now what? Everything I can pronounce is OFF!'

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"What do you mean, it's not an educational toy? I'd have to learn to ride it!"

"I'm just not in an Australian-movie mood, O.K.?"

Made in China.

'Turn right at the Robinia pseudoacacia, pass the garden with the salvia officinalis, cross the road when you see the stranvaesia davidinia and the pub is on the left!'

Mall 'maze' directory bewilders shopper.

"He's a fussy eater."

"A number of items on that menu are consistently chosen by an overwhelming majority of the American people."

'The Entrecote a la Bordelaise? It's stuff on a plate.'

Click - 'View basket' - 'click' - 'Proceed to checkout.' - 'Con't untick box if you don't not want to not recieve e-mail marketing.' - 'Calm, Peel. Calm...' -

"Herbert, don't! This is a gourmet coffee shop! You order instant de-caf and there's going to be trouble!"

'Careful,dear- don't order anything you can't pronounce.'

'Your check? Certainly,sir -- would you like it itemized?'

"To hear the sounds of the seas press 1, for all other options, or, to speak with a customer advisor, please press 2."

'The Chef's Salad isn't available today. She ate it herself.'

"Page 1 is 'Best-Sellers.' Page 2 is 'Advice, How-To, and Miscellaneous,' and on the back is 'And Bear in Mind.' "

Ben Bernanke says no recession yet.

The Queen of Static Electricity: 'Boring Rainy Day Sitting Area.'

"Oh no. It's another death caused by 'economy pack syndrome'!"

Freeways in the Supermarket

"Did you accidentally put the DVD of 'Taxi Driver' in her 'Wheels on the Bus' case?"

"I need one of them and one of them..."

"I'm not quite ready to order. My lawyers are still studying the menu."

'Oh no, not you again,'

Road signs point to various things to buy including "women's wear", "office supplies" and "household appliances".