Movie-goer Humorist Gifts

Cell phone in theaters.

'It was great. I hated it.'

"I want you to know that emotion overrode reason."

"I'm torn, Randy. I don't know what to think." "About what, little buddy?" "Star Trek. The last movie got rave reviews. Critics and audiences loved it. Therefore, I loved it too. But it didn't come anywhere close to earning $1 billion at the box office. And these days, any movie that doesn't earn $1 billion is a complete failure. Therefore, I must hate it. I'm in limbo until the hive mind comes to a consensus." "Except for honey, nothing good ever comes from hives."

"Don't worry. If we're too late, we can always catch the secondary screening."

"Here! Let me get you all in!"

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

"The director told me we were going to green-screen the cat in!"

"I'd like an aisle seat, please."

Human Flesh Eaters: A Romance Comedy.

"When did movies start being dumb all year round?"

"Last night we watched three movies back to back. I was the one facing the telly."

"Would you consider selling me the TV and movie rights to what you just told me?"

"I'm not a fan of biblical movies."

"I know what you're thinking: Did he order six eggs or only five. You've got to ask yourself one question: 'Do I feel lucky?' Well, do you, waiter?" "He's so not making my day." When Dirty Harry Met Sally

It was the bottom of the ninth and the bassists were loaded. O

"No love, your Daddy isn't Spider-Man. Your Daddy is a Father For Justice."

"Sit down Fred!"

'Sorry, sir, you can't take that bucket of raw meat in - have to buy all food from our snack bar.'

'I'm not too impressed with this dinner theater.'

'I don't know which is worse - the popcorn people spill on the floor, or the chicken poop.'

No one bleats about fleece club!

'Waste of twenty quid.'

Giraffe watching open air cinema without paying.

Mantis chick flicks

Now playing: Sideways.

The Cult Director

Hillary Clinton's Deader Than Dead Candidacy for 2020

"If there's anything meaningful or worthwhile in this movie, the whole evening will have been for nothing."

The Nantucket Treatment Center for people pathologically incapable of picking out an even halfway good movie at a video store.

"I laughed, I cried, I peed my pants...but I always do that."

BIJOU THEATER, 'That should've been X-rated - She kissed him right on the MOUTH!'

Homeless Man: Get my Oscar Reviews.

"Is this the First State Bank? I need a loan...about $1 million."

'Isn't that redundant?'