Mourning Gifts

'You should've called me sooner. I need a kidney transplant.'

'Life is a precious thing, but simply breathing and existing isn't living...the end is inevitable for everything...I'm afraid that time has come for you, dear. I have to pull the plug...'

Gravestone: Jed T. Riggs - This wasn't my idea.

Relevant from 1962-1980

'He wouldn't let go of his chair.'

'Everything was a game for him.'

'He had bad breath, but I suppose that was better than no breath at all.'

'He was only ninety three.'

"I just got done telling him when one door closes another opens."

The children at their cousin's grave

I find Mr. Barkis going out with the tide

'It was unfortunate timing that he suffered his heart attack while playing charades.'

'...I think I found Uncle Eddy, and it's not good.'

'The not so Grim Reaper'.

Former Survivalist

Sign in Heaven: BEWARE OF NOTHING

'Get a pen and paper quick, I'm about to say something witty before I die!'

Here Lies Wes Shurmiman - 134 Likes.

Social Media Stomps on Private Grief

"I was able to get in one last lecture about diet and exercise."

"Hey, don't I get a receipt?"

"I told him it wouldn't kill him to try to be nice once in a while, but I was wrong."

"Beuford was too old for a sexual frenzy."

"He was doing just fine till he choked on one of those flexible straws."

"How about something nice for his ashes?"

"I promised her I wouldn't talk sports at least until the reception."

"He makes it look so damn easy."

"I guess laughter wasn’t the best medicine."

"Is it me, or does the old man still look angry at us for denting his Cadillac?"

"Would you like his gun back? We'll have to pry it from his cold, dead fingers."

"It must be tobacco plant, dad was a heavy smoker."

Olivia Newton-John 1948-2022

Death of Queen Elizabeth

Requiem for a Workaholic

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."