Mountaineering Monk Gifts

'It costs a lot to get it delivered out here, but I LOVE the Sunday crossword!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"I'm going on a retreat."

"If we could all turn to page 387, turn off your iPods and repeat after me?"

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Whoa, easy on the details, brother! This may be shrunk down for an e-book someday.

'I invited God to be one of my friends on Facebook and he's turned me down!'

Cable Bill.

"In the Game of Life, my son, the fix is in."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

Computer literate Monk

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

"The meaning of life is cats."

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

Pray as you Go.

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

'I hired a decorator.'

'I am not, metaphysically speaking, as loopy as you seem to believe.'

"I'm just checkin' my email, OK! I AM NOT googling it..."

A monk watches TV in his zen garden.

"This year I'm really gonna get organized."

'I keep mine on my IPod.'

'Nice to see you relax and not think about business for a change.'

Delivery.

'We only get an hour for lunch, so your best bet is to brown-bag it.'

WHILE YOU WERE OUT OF BODY...