Mountaineering Monk Pillows

'It costs a lot to get it delivered out here, but I LOVE the Sunday crossword!'

'I'm just not sure how much more I can teach you.'

"I change my mantra every two months so no one can hack my soul."

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"The hardest to convert are inches to centimeters."

"And the meaning of life is.... oh rats, the battery died."

"It's ok -- It's the Enlightenment Channel."

"I'm going on a retreat."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

'No, Father, they're not praying. They're texting.'

"You're born, you deconstruct your childhood, and then you die."

Cable Bill.

Computer literate Monk

"In the Game of Life, my son, the fix is in."

The most popular Sunday at St Clive's was always the annual 'Blessing of the Smartphones' service.

"O.K., God – please delete everything I said today."

"The meaning of life is cats."

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

"I'm just checkin' my email, OK! I AM NOT googling it..."

'I hired a decorator.'

'I am not, metaphysically speaking, as loopy as you seem to believe.'

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

'Today's sermon is from St. Matthew, Chapter Five....'

A monk watches TV in his zen garden.

'I keep mine on my IPod.'

"This year I'm really gonna get organized."

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Nice to see you relax and not think about business for a change.'

'Nothing against you, but I'm thinking about going back for my master's.'