Mountain Myth Investigator Gifts

'Any sign of a yeti there, Fred?'

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

So I guess the moral of Hansel and Gretel is always carry your cell phone!

Phoenix

"Wifey! Wifey! I've found the fountain of youth!"

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

BRAND-NEW OMG-STORY

"I want to try other kinds of fruit."

Fairy tales reimagined for the 21st century. Jack and the Beanstalk

"When was your last meta-physical?"

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"Free why-fi.”

Centaur Sprinter

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"Are you sure this what he said to build?"

"Mom?"

'I thought I heard a twig snap.'

Death chatting in a pub - "The scythe?...Oh that went years ago. I've got a brand new combine harvester in the car park!"

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

'How would you like a fairy tale wedding before I eat you?'

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

'Careful Jack - it might be a GM beanstalk!'

"We only have the Bible."

Moses Before Pharaoh's Daughter.

"Wait – we're all wolves in sheep's clothing?"

"Excuse me, pal, but is this the road less traveled?"

'Must be Pandora's.'

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'No, I heard you snoring -- you just dreamed that you attained Nirvana.'

"They harvest our noses then liquify them and drink the juice. They believe it gives them special powers called 'antioxidants'."

'Let's start with the basics. Find the Red Queen!'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'... Of course, once you actually achieve enlightenment, it all gets a bit boring.'