Mountain Mystic Gifts

'I've been reincarnated 47 time, and it's ALWAYS as some poor schlub sitting on a mountain!'

Ask him the secret of eternal life...

Guru to scout: Be prepared!

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

Skiers

'Are you sure you're 'the great Oracle'?'

'Let's start with the basics. Find the Red Queen!'

"Excuse me, pal, but is this the road less traveled?"

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

'Oh, I'm okay, I guess - I just thought enlightenment would be more FUN than this.'

'The secret of life, son, is finding a better hiding place than I did.'

A mountain guru has a sign on his mountain for safe social distancing.

'Yin... Yang... Yin... Yang....'

'I suppose you're entitled to your opinion, but I still say that Shemp was the greatest of them all.'

WHILE YOU WERE OUT OF BODY...

'Excuse me -- did you happen to noticed which mountain I fell off of?'

'Hey! - Don't you meditate when I'm talking to you!'

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

Climber to guru: 'Where's the outrage?'

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

'... Of course, once you actually achieve enlightenment, it all gets a bit boring.'

'All the gurus they sent up got nose bleeds. What else do you want to know?'

'I'm bored...'

'Government regulations are simple and explicit - ONE guru to a mountain top!'

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

'It's the darnedest thing -- last night I dreamed I was eating shredded wheat.'

'We DO have a dress code up here, you know!'

"The only thing I like more than running is everything else."

"Free why-fi.”

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

First aid in mountains

'I love the mountains and all, but I simply can't do this....I'm just too chicken.'