Mountain Moses Gifts

"It's a pretty stiff climb up here - Next time, could I just PRAY?"

'The Lord spake to Moses? You mean voice mail?'

'A sitcom has to be quirky or formulaic. There is no middle way.'

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Camping.

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"Yaffle Pass Elevation 11,990 ft Continental Divide"

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

'What I've learnt sitting on this mountain, alone for ten years, is how boring sitting alone on a mountain for ten years is!'

10 Commandments if God was a Woman...

"OK, now you can sing your heart out."

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"Master, you have 175,568 unread messages in your inbox."

"Free why-fi.”

"When was your last meta-physical?"

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 8.

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'It must be the altitude -- enlightenment shouldn't give you nosebleeds.'

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

Alpine Pipe

'This was to have been Hillary's greatest moment...'

"But am I happy? Very."

You are now leaving Echo Valley - please call again!

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

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No, "enlightenment" is on the next peak. I teach "ignorance is bliss."

Skiing

"Okay, we get it - You're a social conservative!"

'Becoming enlightened fifteen minutes before I did doesn't EITHER give you seniority!'

Mountain escalator.

'Forget it - the nearest wi-fi hot spot is in Rangoon.'

'I understand the Adirondacks are where it's REALLY happening.'

"I would take out the curse words, but otherwise I think it's fine."

"Oh U! The German periscoper: "Ach Himmel! Dot most be der peutiful Ben Nevis of vich ve 'ave 'eard so mooch!"