Mountain Musing Gifts

"Don't let it slam."

If life is a river, what are we doing up here on top of the mountain?

'Let's start out with cliches and pithy slogans - and work our way up to wisdom ...OK?'

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

''Faith can move mountains'? -- That's actually a little disturbing.'

"OK, now you can sing your heart out."

'Do you ever just feel like getting away from it all?'

"Yes, I'm the wise man who lives on the top of the mountain. And believe me, the surcharge for the pizza delivery service is insane!"

"When was your last meta-physical?"

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 8.

'Actually I only do this on weekends.'

"Mom?"

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'Hey, hey -- You've got to stay focussed.'

"But am I happy? Very."

"In the Game of Life, my son, the fix is in."

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

'No, even I don't know the secret of golf.'

"The meaning of life is cats."

'So then I thought, what's the idea job for a gentleman with my years of experience, wisdom and a desire to help others.'

"Dear Bad-Karma, to assist you at this busy time, I've drawn up a list of people you may have missed."

'I've been up here almost a month now -- when do we get paid?'

"I'm just checkin' my email, OK! I AM NOT googling it..."

'That's the point - We're SUPPOSED to be out of the loop!'

'I hired a decorator.'

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

'Uh, we do have tenure, don't well?

'No, I heard you snoring -- you just dreamed that you attained Nirvana.'

'The secret to happiness is to stay away from low-lying coastal areas which are most susceptible to storms from global warming.'

'That's old Goopta - he decided to quit at the top of his game.'

'This is goodbye, Goopta -- Barack Obama offered me a job writing platitudes!'