Motivational Humor Fan Gifts

I truly believe I was destined for greatness. Then I see a pile of excrement on the floor and I think'...Oh well!'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

'The ghost walks this passage every night Monday to Friday. He has weekends off.'

The Brothers Grime

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'-and you're living proof that ALL men are not born equal, runt!'

"You see, it's perfectly safe to tease him..."

"Consider yourself lucky that you only got a little shaken up in that dryer--socks get lost in that thing and aren't ever seen again.'

'We found you in a cabbage!'

"Uh Oh! Jehovah's"

In utero...boy, THOSE were the days!

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

Carrot in front of the donkey workout.

Beer Parasol.

Winter Weather.

Tequila Mockingbird

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'You're supposed to bring the newspaper to ME!'

"I'm you from the future! Or the past. I've completely lost track of time."

"For the last time, we never need the route with the fewest turns."

'Joe has been partying hard!'

'Trust me, you're not going to need an alarm clock.'

"Well, you were late and her boyfriend didn't turn up for their wedding, so....."

"My favorite part of the story was when Prince Charming kissed Sleeping Beauty and she totally rebooted."

"I fell to the ground from a height of about two metres when I was born: My very first stunt!"

'NO, it DOESN'T come on DISC!'

"Pumpkin spice has been very good to me."

'All she said was something about having rice for dinner and then poof!. . . She's gone!'

"The lettuce I paid with was fresher than the lettuce I bought."