Motivational Humor Gifts

"The reward is Heaven and a set of well-toned glutes."

On a hot day in 1941, scientists uncovered the only known remains of the elusive nerdosaurus rex,

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

Chicken soup for the sole.

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

'If he applies himself, there's no limit to what he won't be able to accomplish.'

"Look at her...Gracie is intelligent, optimistic, ambitious..I wish she was one more thing."

"The thing is, you have to really want to change."

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

Anxiety of Change

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'And remember - failure is not an option...oh, hang on, yes it is.'

The Swiss Alp 44 Million Years Ago

"As long as there's coffee, life will find a way."

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

"That's not our logo. That's the company's flowchart."

'Think of it as incentive marketing. You increase our market share and you get to keep your job.'

'Give me a raise now please.'

I truly believe I was destined for greatness. Then I see a pile of excrement on the floor and I think'...Oh well!'

"We'll be well into January before that post-holiday smile fades."

"You snored through the whole motivational seminar."

Ed's Pizza and the Cardiology Clinic.

'If we could just figure out some high-energy diet, we wouldn't have to spend the hole day eating.'

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

"We're ready to begin the next phase of keeping things exactly the way they are."

"I exercise almost everyday. Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday..."

Experience the regional flavors of 2163 Pigeonhole Lane.

'Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your sudden promotion.'

In-tray and out-tray with 'Same Old'