Motivational Humor Gifts

"The reward is Heaven and a set of well-toned glutes."

On a hot day in 1941, scientists uncovered the only known remains of the elusive nerdosaurus rex,

'I feel like exercising. Have you seen my tennis shoes?'

"He wants to study bacteria to relate to the counter culture."

We interrupt this program to bring you, Tommy, a message from you teacher. Have you finished your report on frogs?

'If he applies himself, there's no limit to what he won't be able to accomplish.'

"Look at her...Gracie is intelligent, optimistic, ambitious..I wish she was one more thing."

"The thing is, you have to really want to change."

'We hoped you'd respond more enthusiastically to our incentive program.'

"Gorg, you've got to let yourself evolve!"

Anxiety of Change

'My philosophy is that the bigger you are, the smaller the desk you need.'

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

Bob's mother drove him crazy - but at least she came to visit.

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"As long as there's coffee, life will find a way."

'My therapist suggested I redirect my anger into landscaping and gardening!'

'Think of it as incentive marketing. You increase our market share and you get to keep your job.'

"That's not our logo. That's the company's flowchart."

Take up karate and learn how to break bricks with your cast.

'Give me a raise now please.'

"You snored through the whole motivational seminar."

Ed's Pizza and the Cardiology Clinic.

'If we could just figure out some high-energy diet, we wouldn't have to spend the hole day eating.'

"We'll be well into January before that post-holiday smile fades."

I truly believe I was destined for greatness. Then I see a pile of excrement on the floor and I think'...Oh well!'

"We're ready to begin the next phase of keeping things exactly the way they are."

"I exercise almost everyday. Almost on Monday, almost on Tuesday..."

Experience the regional flavors of 2163 Pigeonhole Lane.

'Allow me to be the first to congratulate you on your sudden promotion.'

'...next time you feel like giving that extra 10 percent at work...would you mind giving it to someone else?!...'

In-tray and out-tray with 'Same Old'