Motherhood Realist Gifts

"I was a much better parent before I had children."

"I see that he is growing as fast as your law firm."

'I don't want him experiencing anything until I've totally checked it out.'

"I'd like the garden salad with the blue cheese dressing, and my mother would like me married by age thirty."

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Man dreams of romance whilst a woman dreams of romance and babies.

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

'She finds it really easy to juggle her kids with her career now she's joined the circus.'

"You owe me five bucks."

"Get me this...get me that...fluff my pillow...I don't feel well...if I wanted to listen to that all day, I wouldn't have left my husband!"

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"Perhaps later on we can go back to my psychiatrist's office for some couples therapy?"

Doris K. Elston: Brain Surgeon, Professional Model, Artist, Lawyer....Plus Mother of Four.

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"He's such a fussy eater."

"Remember back in the day when I was a real heartbreaker?" "Riiight... now the only thing you break is wind."

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

Mother Nature

"It's so nice to finally put a face to the name."

'Life is all attitude: 45 seconds of enjoying it...45,000 hours of regretting it...'

"...until death do you a favor."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

'That was close...hit me right in the wallet.'

"I want to be straight with you, Cathy—I've gone through a number of cars in my life."

"I guess for me family planning is just a study in fertility."

Downloading Pregnancy

'Scratch 3 and 5. 3's had a fight and 5's just going to live together instead.'

"Oh no. Is that my ex?"

Men explained.

I love my family!

"Sorry Tina, I won't be able to come over: Joey is finally asleep and I don't dare move..."

"...And do you promise if you ever should divorce that you'll remain friends?"

'A generous layer of vaseline makes an excellent tickle repellent!'

"I actually had this haircut before I became a mom."