Mortgage Muser T-Shirts

'I think we should make an offer on this house, what do you think?'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

'Or you can rent by the week...'

"The jury didn't buy my defense that CEOs just want to have fun."

"OK, now you can sing your heart out."

God's map of the universe

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 8.

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"Some people say you can't put a price on a wife's twenty-seven years of loyalty and devotion. They're wrong."

"We can't all work for Goldman Sachs."

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'When I asked how much memory you had left I was asking about your computer, not you.'

'I thought elephants never forgot, but according to these results you have alzheimer's disease.'

"Bit if I'm here...how can I also be up close and personal to my managers?"

"Lactose started it, but now it's mainly me she can't tolerate. . ."

"But am I happy? Very."

Life plan

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

'I don't know what's wrong with you, you seem to have celibacy on the brain!'

'My good memory is a curse: There are things I would like to forget...'

"And then it hit me: I got up early for THIS? A slimy, cold worm? I HATE worms!"

'Are you a hypochondriac who has everything but your regular placebo isn't doing the job? Talk to your doctor about the new extra-strength placebo.'

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

'They say medicine is a calling. . . but it's days like this I wish I'd had call waiting.'

"If a stock falls in the market and no one's around, does it really lose its value?"

'Wait! Tell me again about the 'excessive gas and oily discharge'?'

"They're crowdsourcing your session."

'Any side effects of these sleeping pills?'

'I keep making the same mistake over and over again, marrying for love.'

"I don't want a divorce, but I would like a gap year."