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'We don't often get clients asking to view termite infested properties.'

"If a stock falls in the market, and it had no investors, does it really lose its value?"

"I work out in preparation for being out of shape for the next 30 years."

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

Nothing like traveling hundreds of miles to immerse yourself in art for the sole purpose of killing time between meals.

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"OK, now you can sing your heart out."

God's map of the universe

A sailor in his little yacht bobbing on the waves

Mr. Briggs' Adventures in the Highlands, part 8.

'Can Mr. Sloan call you back? He's taking time to stop and smell the profits.'

'I warned him that this was no place for a guy with inner-ear problems.'

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

"I read the Tibetan Book of the Dead, but I wasn't Enlightened. . . but I did get the munchies."

"Bit if I'm here...how can I also be up close and personal to my managers?"

I'm bored and broke. My gadgets seem old and outdated. I can't buy anything new. I can't work because the economy stinks. I'll just die of boredom. Hold on. Surely you can think of some other exciting and self-destructive activity to distract you from facing your real problems. Ooh, my inside voice has an idea. What's Darlene up to?

'Just because the alignment of the system wasn't maintained during rapid sample exchange, it's no threat to your manhood.'

"But am I happy? Very."

No, "enlightenment" is on the next peak. I teach "ignorance is bliss."

"And then it hit me: I got up early for THIS? A slimy, cold worm? I HATE worms!"

"What a listener. My burden feels lighter already."

Cafe Philosophique

"If a tree fell into the marsh and there was nobody around to hear it and it landed on a mute swan, would it make a sound?"

"If a stock falls in the market and no one's around, does it really lose its value?"

"They're crowdsourcing your session."

'Are you SURE we're not allowed to telecommute?'

"The steak is here to give its full consent."

'Would you knock it off with the 'woulda-coulda-shoulda'!'

'The lack of money is the root of all evil.'

"I wouldn't describe today's market as a bear market or a bull market. It's more like a chicken market."

'What a beautiful landscape!'

'I wish I had eaten all that bread.'

The Art Critics

Man climbs to the mountaintop for answers where a mirror awaits.

"And now, if I may, I'd like to put You on hold for a moment while I have a few words with Mammon."