Mortgage Fighter Gifts

"Would you like your paycheck sent directly to your mortgage holder, your oil company or your health insurance provider?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"Prices may keep going up, up, up, but my love for you will remain positively, and forever, as is."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

Big finger print trying to forge a cheque but he can't.

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

How many times do I have to tell you. . . you're broke! Broke! Broke!

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'Don't come too close - this baby will tear you to pieces, bite your head off and drink your blood... I've called him 'Fiscal Policy'.'

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

Stress on GPs

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

Bernard Madoff's House Arrest.

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

'Nest egg for retirement ... and inflation!'

"I think it's just human nature to set up a private special purpose business entity to conceal balance sheet transaction in order to maximize an earnings forecast."

Fraud Squad

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'

'Activist investors are here to see you and they're wearing boxing gloves.'

'I'm afraid I can't prescribe anti-depressants for housing gloom.'

Duel Fuel?

'No more!'

Stocks have ruined me....'Poor devil!'

UK Economy

"Good news! The White House has agreed to negotiate with us on that $400 mil in cuts!" "What do you have to give up next time... the other arm or a leg...?"

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'Honey, I think we missed a repayment.'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- There's no such thing as a 'triploon'!'

'Your interest? -- oh, we used that to pay the federal deposit insurance.'

"Take a seat, Mr. Duffy - that will be fifty pounds."

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

A man gets attacked by his credit report.