Mortgage Fighter Pillows

"Would you like your paycheck sent directly to your mortgage holder, your oil company or your health insurance provider?"

"Our new associate asks how much of a fee is too much. Do you want to handle this or shall I laugh in his face?"

"This statement from your headmaster says that you can easily get a good degree...your bank manager says you can't."

"Since you had so much fun with the Home Equity Loan I gave you, this year's stocking will be filled with a shiny new Notice of Foreclosure."

"Prices may keep going up, up, up, but my love for you will remain positively, and forever, as is."

Big finger print trying to forge a cheque but he can't.

'I can't believe an Alligator stole my identity... I mean, it's quite obvious I'm a Crocodile!'

How many times do I have to tell you. . . you're broke! Broke! Broke!

'You realize, of course, that that's the fifth 25 stake we've now sold in our entertainment division.'

'Don't come too close - this baby will tear you to pieces, bite your head off and drink your blood... I've called him 'Fiscal Policy'.'

"You want to withdraw your money? There's a fee for that."

Stress on GPs

"At last they paid off their sub-prime fairy-tale and lived happily ever after."

Bernard Madoff's House Arrest.

'Water into wine is certainly impressive. D'you do water into petrol?'

"As your attorney, Roger, I feel it's my duty to charge you an enormous amount of money."

"As your cell bitch, I imagine my Sarbanes-Oxley expertise should come in quite handy."

'Nest egg for retirement ... and inflation!'

Fraud Squad

"I think it's just human nature to set up a private special purpose business entity to conceal balance sheet transaction in order to maximize an earnings forecast."

'Sorry son, I spent all your inheritence fighting inheritence tax.'

'Activist investors are here to see you and they're wearing boxing gloves.'

Duel Fuel?

'I'm afraid I can't prescribe anti-depressants for housing gloom.'

UK Economy

Stocks have ruined me....'Poor devil!'

'No more!'

"Good news! The White House has agreed to negotiate with us on that $400 mil in cuts!" "What do you have to give up next time... the other arm or a leg...?"

"In the time I’ve been on hold with this collection agency, my debt has been bought and sold to another collection agency!"

'Honey, I think we missed a repayment.'

"Take a seat, Mr. Duffy - that will be fifty pounds."

"Your bill includes a 10% surcharge that goes towards raising awareness of the rampant overcharging in the legal fraternity."

'Your interest? -- oh, we used that to pay the federal deposit insurance.'

'Who do you think you're kidding? -- There's no such thing as a 'triploon'!'

A man gets attacked by his credit report.