Morning News Listener Gifts

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

Fear of news.

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

Mums coffee morning

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"A Ms. Ramona Bissell of West Allison, Vermont, writes, 'What the hell is going on?' We here at WVCN think that question deserves an answer."

"We'd better get over there. The morning coffee scrum has already started."

'My plan is more and more US troops to Iraq until my popularity rating hits zero and makes the book of world records!'

'You're listening to no repeat radio where we never play the same song twice! Yeah! No repeat radio! Where you'll never hear the same song twice! Only on no repeat radio!'

That's not what they mean when they say that Dick Cheney knows where all the bones are buried.

'For a moment, I thought I heard the candidates back on the issues.'

"Police have no suspects at the present time but believe that the motive for robbery was the desire for increased income."

'...And our extended forecast calls for one #!@*!! thing after another.'

Chris Evans

'Sometimes I think you don't listen to a word I say!'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'

'Please do not adjust your set -- I'm just a little hung over.'

Resolution: Impeaching Donald John Trump. . .

'Bush said Iraq is NOT in a civil war because there have been no sightings of 'Union' or 'Confederate' army flags.'

"Think how ill-informed I would be if we didn't have television."

Every Monday morning, Mitch pondered whether there is a light at the end of the tunnel, or just a tunnel.

Reaction News: All the news you thought you heard.

'Now known as 'Christmas Creep', it takes place earlier each year!'

'And now a quick glance at tonight's top news stories.... Yikes!'

"Grrr."

"Can't you tell it's Monday morning, it's finally stopped raining?!"

Faith is good, health is okay, great family and friends, we live in America!

Ugly Christmas Sweater: Trump Lies