Morning News Listener Prints

'And now for the (Yawn!) morning report....'

"The bags under my eyes have combined to form some kind of face backpack."

Fear of news.

Men on escalators reading newspapers, shares are going up on the up escalator and down on the down escalator.

The North Portico of the White House runs away crying.

'Mark my words! Our enemies will test this young guy with a huge international crisis as soon as he's electe! But don't worry, he'll be fine!', 'Come here, Joe -- let me give you a nice fist bump!'

"If I've timed this right, symptoms should start at exactly 9 a.m. Monday."

'Play any other position besides Monday morning quarterback?'

Mums coffee morning

'Our ratings are down. Let's blame it on the media.'

Young girl asks young boy what time he wakes in the morning

'... and in a startling development, 5 Supreme Court decisions were overturned by Judge Judy...'

"A Ms. Ramona Bissell of West Allison, Vermont, writes, 'What the hell is going on?' We here at WVCN think that question deserves an answer."

'My plan is more and more US troops to Iraq until my popularity rating hits zero and makes the book of world records!'

Chris Evans

'For a moment, I thought I heard the candidates back on the issues.'

"Police have no suspects at the present time but believe that the motive for robbery was the desire for increased income."

'...And our extended forecast calls for one #!@*!! thing after another.'

'Sometimes I think you don't listen to a word I say!'

'Our survey shows there's more confidence in shopping coupons that the dollar...'

'Bush said Iraq is NOT in a civil war because there have been no sightings of 'Union' or 'Confederate' army flags.'

Resolution: Impeaching Donald John Trump. . .

"Think how ill-informed I would be if we didn't have television."

'Please do not adjust your set -- I'm just a little hung over.'

Every Monday morning, Mitch pondered whether there is a light at the end of the tunnel, or just a tunnel.

Reaction News: All the news you thought you heard.

'Now known as 'Christmas Creep', it takes place earlier each year!'

"Grrr."

"Can't you tell it's Monday morning, it's finally stopped raining?!"

'And now a quick glance at tonight's top news stories.... Yikes!'

"A look at the papers soon, but first the news where you are..."

Faith is good, health is okay, great family and friends, we live in America!

Ugly Christmas Sweater: Trump Lies