Morgue Technician Gifts

'Anyway, to make a long story short, the medical examiner who performed your autopsy was fired.'

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"

'Yep, his face is beyond recognition but that's my Charlie for certain.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'No days off, no paid overtime, no benefits...this job is killing me!'

Joint Ventures!

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

"Oh relax, I'm off the clock for another hour."

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

'Finally. Her lipstick is just right.'

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

Viking Funeral

"Blueberry muffins. My wife made them."

"I just love take-out."

"Now that we're married you'll be cooking and cleaning and ironing and guess who'll be dressing me and combing my hair?" "The mortician."

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'

"You said to hire a face painter and I did! Bill is a mortician!"

"I always put things off until the last minute."

'Grave rage Vicar, we get a lot of it now.'

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

Bored at the City Morgue.

'Deploy the Candarm and ready the Canafinger.'

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

"Janet, please don't disturb now. I'm reading the funnies."

"I can't believe he's really dead, mum. He looks just the same as he always did."

Sixth Sense Morgue: (Icy Dead People).

Touch screen for bio.

You Can't Escape Zombies in a Canoe