Mortuary Assistant Gifts

"...And another thing, Wilkins - it's "cremation" or "Burial..?" and NOT "smoking" or "non-smoking...!""

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

Prospective hospital employee: 'I do sutures. Are there any openings?'

"I hope you don't mind - I'm training a brand-new assistant and I've asked her to check your blood pressure."

'My name is Mrs. Horner. My son Jackie stuck his thumb into a hot pie and burned it.'

'You're giving me a flu-shot? Shouldn't you be giving me an anti-flu shot?'

"The biopsy on your mole came back negative, which is positive, which is good."

"Things look good but let's run a few more tests since mortality runs in your family."

Joint Ventures!

"Well, your bloodwork came back very cosmopolitan."

'Come into the examination room. I want to practice.'

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

Let's move back into the waiting room - I'd like to run a series of tests on your patience.

'Hand me that gizmo, will you please?'

Igor's zombie predecessor had a short-lived career assisting Dr. Frankenstein.

"Health professionals prepare syringes for another intense vaccination day."

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"

"Old Mrs. Cranshaw is next, Doctor. Better put on your white jacket."

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

'Grave rage Vicar, we get a lot of it now.'

'It's not that simple, Ms. Whelan. You vcan't just shop around until you find a disease you like.'

"You didn't fill out our customer survey."

"I'm going to take your blood pressure, so try to relax and not think about what a high reading might mean for your chances of living a long, healthy life."

"Now, this is going to feel like I'm sticking my finger up your a*s."

"Grave rage, Vicar, we get a lot of it now"

"No skulls, just whatever you can carry home..."

"Mum, can I work in a morgue"

We did a biopsy on the mole, and it turns out it was just an old piece of chocolate

'Jenkins! Quit playing with that John Dough and get over here!'

'I thought new home prices had fallen.'

"Please escort Miss Delgado to the private waiting room. She's curing my patients again."

"Time to knock off for lunch?"

"Is she critical?"

'The doctor will see you shortly. Try not to disappoint him.'