Morgue Technician Pillows

"Doesn't seem to matter how carefully you put them back together you always end up with pieces left over!"

'Yep, his face is beyond recognition but that's my Charlie for certain.'

'You're overdue for your checkup.'

'No days off, no paid overtime, no benefits...this job is killing me!'

Joint Ventures!

"According to stomach content analysis he'll be dead in half an hour."

'The autopsy revealed he was indeed a yellow-bellied, lily-livered varmint!'

"Oh relax, I'm off the clock for another hour."

DO IT YOURSELF - Four new jobs we'll all have to do ourselves

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

'Wasn't there three of you guys when we started?'

"Now that we're married you'll be cooking and cleaning and ironing and guess who'll be dressing me and combing my hair?" "The mortician."

Viking Funeral

"Just to be clear, you want suicide doors installed on your hearse?"

"Blueberry muffins. My wife made them."

'Finally. Her lipstick is just right.'

"I just love take-out."

Coffin floating out of outflow pipe.

"Mt. Joe Cemetary?"

'No! No! No! I don't want to die. . . Then why are you carrying that enormous scythe?'

"It's nice, but how do you adjust the sleep number?''

'Grave rage Vicar, we get a lot of it now.'

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

'Please excuse the mess guys.My husband's doing a correspondence course in Embalming.'

"I always put things off until the last minute."

"You said to hire a face painter and I did! Bill is a mortician!"

Bored at the City Morgue.

'Uh-oh... that sounds ominous.' - *Knock* *Knock* - 'Am I going to die?!' - 'I don't think so.' - 'Then why are you here?' - 'Your life insurance is due for renewal.'

'Deploy the Candarm and ready the Canafinger.'

"Don't worry, it's natural causes."

PUMPKIN SPICE toe tag

Sixth Sense Morgue: (Icy Dead People).

"Stomach content analysis shows the onions were sauteed after the pork was added but before adding the fennel."

"Janet, please don't disturb now. I'm reading the funnies."

'I thought new home prices had fallen.'