Morgue Regular Gifts

'Can't talk now, I'm just going into a tunnel.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"Rump roast?"

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

"And would you like flies with that?"

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

I wish I'd had the review.

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Prawn Cocktail Please

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

"This controls the speed, this opens the door and if you press the red button a maintenance man appears and gives you a very large bill"

'George, you're supposed to be tasting the wine, not seeing what effect it has.'

"What!?! I like a nice salad every now and then, too. What of it?"

'What have I made for dinner? A reservation at the restaurant down the road. . .'

'Thank you waiter - my wife's the rabbit.'

"I can't hurry when ordering. There's a lot of ecological geopolitics involved here."