Monarch Fan Gifts

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

A man washing a mascot costume

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

TV jester.

The Da Vinci Cod

"Cthulhus, sir. Thousands of 'em."

You're my Venus

'The King of what?'

Oh, wait - Their king posted a declaration of war on your Facebook wall this morning.

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

"That's our new church mascot."

Zombie pet tricks.

'Look, Carl, the glory days are over. You might want to slip into something a little more comfortable.'

'Igor, quit bugging me!'

"What'd you think the zipper on my face was for?"

Halloween Selfie

"Do I have to go out again!?"

King and Jester

"Yaffle: For the funny bone in you"

Vampire collects bottles of blood from his doorstep.

'Yes, he definitely wants something. . . maybe his crown and scepter.'

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

At a secluded, candle-lit dinner, love rears its ugly head.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

"I'll split my candy with you if you take me Trick or Treating."

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

"When we asked you to paint the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel, Michaelangelo, we were hoping you'd snazz it up."

"Don't mix this up...I want a car with a moonroof. He wants one with a sunroof."

"One blackbird pizza?"

"You can't eat that. It has nuts in it."