Monarch Fan Mugs

'There must be some mistake -- Kings don't pay for things.'

"We're following Carrot Top."

William Shakespeare sitting at a desk

"The peasants are revolting Sire."

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

TV jester.

"Yeah, I'm moonlighting. It's a living."

A man washing a mascot costume

"Cthulhus, sir. Thousands of 'em."

The Da Vinci Cod

You're my Venus

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

'The King of what?'

Zombie pet tricks.

"That's our new church mascot."

'Look, Carl, the glory days are over. You might want to slip into something a little more comfortable.'

Halloween Selfie

'Igor, quit bugging me!'

'I hate waking up with coffin hair.'

'Yes, he definitely wants something. . . maybe his crown and scepter.'

At a secluded, candle-lit dinner, love rears its ugly head.

King and Jester

"Do I have to go out again!?"

"What'd you think the zipper on my face was for?"

"Yaffle: For the funny bone in you"

Vampire collects bottles of blood from his doorstep.

Scary Halloween ICD-10 codes.

"I'll split my candy with you if you take me Trick or Treating."

"One blackbird pizza?"

"You're unlikely to find anyplace on the market that is truly impregnable."

"You can't eat that. It has nuts in it."

Elizabeth II