Moms With A Sense Of Humor Pillows

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Boy, do we hate to see this... I'm afraid your child's entire body is an 'innie'."

In case of Emergency: Break Glass

'Your wife has given birth to the blues.'

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'I must be going through a mid-life crisis.'

'I knew you would come crawling back.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'I think it may be a limited edition.'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

Martians looking at Earth - 'One day son, all this will be yours.'

"No dessert until you eat all your candy."

'My wife and I can't have dogs!'

'Next time your kid has a party, blow up the balloons with an airpump!'

Kate's Evil Plan: 'Danae...I got a letter from your teacher today...she say's you've been very well-behaved lately...and is worried about what you're really up to.'

'Oooh, I love what you've done with your hair...That top looks lovely on you and have you lost weight?'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Add your kids' ages together...

Mobile Phone Mobile.

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

'We just have to stop meeting like this!'

"What part of this don't you understand?"

Two breasts: No waiting

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

'Come on. You've been nursing that pint for hours!'

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

'The noise is terrible and the view is horrible. So much for good working conditions.'

"You could say that. I had a D-section."