Moms-to-be Humor Pillows

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'Here's one I made earlier!'

Maternity ward on the farm.

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

"Coming down the runway, Rachel is wearing corn flakes, a nursing bra, and the same maternity leggings from yesterday."

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

The baby's really been moving round today.

Please take a number...

Big book of daft names for kids.

Everything looks so good

"I should have started this three months ago....contractions play havoc with jigsaw puzzles!!"

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

Smart Suburban Maternity Hospital - "My Evian waters have broken."