Moms-to-be Humor Pillows

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'Here's one I made earlier!'

Maternity ward on the farm.

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

"Coming down the runway, Rachel is wearing corn flakes, a nursing bra, and the same maternity leggings from yesterday."

'The ultrasound went well: Now, we just need to agree on 1263 baby names...'

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

Please take a number...

Big book of daft names for kids.

"I should have started this three months ago....contractions play havoc with jigsaw puzzles!!"

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

'Now this time remember - we refer to the babies as 'quadruplets,' not 'the litter!''

Smart Suburban Maternity Hospital - "My Evian waters have broken."