Mother-to-be Humor Pillows

"You're what?!"

"Your mother called to remind you to diversify."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'Here's one I made earlier!'

Maternity ward on the farm.

"It's a special place where they check the eyes in the back of their heads."

Maternity ward (door sign.. push push).

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

"Hard to tell...He was wearing a mask."

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Some blind dates work out just fine.

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

Where Box Turtles Come From

'Why should I? He didn't attend the conception.'

"I'll hold the kid eventually. I just don't want it to develop a false sense of entitlement."

"Coming down the runway, Rachel is wearing corn flakes, a nursing bra, and the same maternity leggings from yesterday."

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

Please take a number...

Big book of daft names for kids.

"I should have started this three months ago....contractions play havoc with jigsaw puzzles!!"

'I'm afraid your work insurance won't apply, Mrs. Ferguson -- you didn't have the baby during office hours.'

'This is a worry. No dipstick to measure how much milk is left.'

"I'm concerned, I haven't had a period in over 8 months."

'Believe me honey - YOU don't need to do the pelvic floor!!'