Expectant Mom Humorist Pillows

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

Big book of daft names for kids.

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

"The doctor wanted me to let you know that everything is fine, but your c-section didn't go quite as planned. it was more like a 'K' section..."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'Trust me, the term 'blissfully pregnant' is an oxymoron.'

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

The Mothership

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

"They also left a pamphlet on the benefits of breast feeding."

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'No, I've not got names for them but I've got one for my husband!'

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

'Congratulations. It's a latch key kid.'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

"After 9 months floating here, instead of a birth certificate I should get a diver certification."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

'Oh, sure, the world gets a savior, and what do I get? Hemorrhoids the size of grapefruits!'