Expectant Parent Humor Enthusiast Pillows

"Our new bundle of joy is. . . both sexes!"

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

'As you're pregnant, I suppose you are eating for two? Or don't you want to cut down that much?'

"On no, the baby's breach!!"

The Elephant in the Womb

Womb service: A special room service for pregnant Women

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'You want Chinese food? Are you going to have a baby or something?'

'We're hoping to sell the naming rights.'

'What are you in for?'

"Nine months in here?? I trust I can get out in seven months with good behaviour!"

'This is boring. This uterus could sure do with a fast forward button.'

'When the baby sitter gets a standing ovation, I don't know whether to be pleasantly surprised or suspicious.'

'It's one of life's little miracles!'

"The kids have stopped saying 'are we there yet?'"

Please Wait Here To Be Scolded

"Six down, three to go!!"

'Ooopsss! I did it again.'

"I'm sorry, but we're not an online retailer. We can't guarantee delivery in 2 days."

"My kid said his first two words and you know what he said; 'I'll sue.'."

'They sort of grow on you.'

'Looks like we'll have this one by C section."

Mother tells son, who is watching DVDs: 'No, I don't think we need a 'national debate' on the issue of bedtime.'

"I thought we talked about this."

Maternity Wing Sign: Please Wait To Push

No, I'm not going to cut the crust off of it for you.

'I already have four girls. I picked out the names for this one. If I give birth to a girl...Jennifer. If it's a boy...hooray!'

'I wish you hadn't shown Daddy the lovely Mother's day present you bought me. I haven't told him I'm pregnant yet!'

The top half is formula. The bottom half is milk.

"All right! We'll hear the pester-power figures next."

'Can we wait up and watch daddy bleed?'

'I think i cried myself inside out!'

'Mum said I take after your side of the family, Dad!'