Mom-to-be Maverick Pillows

"What an anti-climax. There are no official plans to declare the birth canal open!"

"I only travelled with my umbilical cord!"

Kid uses his violin as a golf club.

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Mary, remember that you're pregnant and are now eating for 2,000.

'I've drawn up a shortlist of baby names.'

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

The Impractical Guide to having a baby.

Gene Therapy

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

Instant Gratification Cafe.

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

Dominant hand reveal party

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

'Come watch TV with me, Mom. This movie is for young and old.'

"My favorite painting? That's like asking who's my favorite child. It's Michael."

'I love my obstetrician! He brings out the kid in me!'

"So how is being a new mum treating you?"

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

Eat your vegetables

Conformity

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

"A stranger is about to come into your life!"

'You've got a lot of nerve, lady, calling my son's answers 'wrong'...His answers may be different, but they're just as special and beautiful as anyone else's.'

Don't sweat the small stuff

'And she's got the gall to call me chubby.' - Hubert's comment on a pregnancy.

'Ever since this 'evolution' thing started, I've been doing a lot of soul-searching.'