Mystical Mom-to-be Pillows

"A stranger is about to come into your life!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

So … you do a lot of yoga?

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

Instant Gratification Cafe.

"So! When's the big day?"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

Congratulations! When are you due?

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

"Mum, we had sex-education at school today: is that really what happened to Daddy?!"

"Six down, three to go!!"

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

You and your alternative pregnancy.

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

'A work in Progress.'

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

'I love my obstetrician! He brings out the kid in me!'

"My favorite painting? That's like asking who's my favorite child. It's Michael."

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

Eat your vegetables

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

'Come watch TV with me, Mom. This movie is for young and old.'

'I'd really have the jitters if I knew the future, but your mom is supercool!'

'My labor was a breeze! Nine minutes and out he came!'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'