Mystical Mom Pillows

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

Baby Hairstyles.

"Now, Mrs. Jones, repeat after me..."

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

'As you can see, it's a boy and he seems to be doing just fine.'

Cat Seance

'Genius! Art class and snack time!'

"Jim was a model Dad".

'Just doing the school run.'

'Mom's doctor recommended she take up knitting as a way to relax.'

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

Baby's first horror movies

'Don't tell anybody, but I'm not wearing a robe.'

'Don't worry he doesn't want any. he's allergic to everything except straw stuffing.'

'Can I keep him? He followed me home.'

"Mommy needs to get mad at you in a weird calm voice now."

'I love my obstetrician! He brings out the kid in me!'

"I see a wild celebration...I see music, dancing, much food and revelry! . . . I see - oops!! Sorry....wrong party."

'I'd really have the jitters if I knew the future, but your mom is supercool!'

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

"In case of emergency, break glass."

"A stranger is about to come into your life!"

A fortune-teller working her new big plasma crystal ball.

'Can I just remind everyone once again that baby yoga is non-competitive.'

'Daddy says 'meow'.'

Kangaroo with multiple pockets for lots of children...

"I can't right now. I have to pick the kids up then eat them."

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

Empty Nest.