Mystical Mom-to-be Gifts

"A stranger is about to come into your life!"

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

No kicking: 12-6 Mon-Sun

"Be sure and eat your frozen vegetables."

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

"What is it? You're not wet or hungry. Mommy's not a mind reader. OK, I am, but I've never been very good at it."

'It's the same model... he painted the second one eight months after the first painting.'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"He looks like you, and he isn't even born yet."

'You can fill your teddy bear with stuffing or with a demonic spirit summoned from the nether regions.'

Instant Gratification Cafe.

"So! When's the big day?"

'Feel free to get a second opinion. I can give you the number to my mom.'

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

Breastfeeding: Good Design Council

'You were a ten month baby. The postman brought you.'

"Mum, we had sex-education at school today: is that really what happened to Daddy?!"

'Have you got any good 'whodunnits'...?'

"Six down, three to go!!"

You and your alternative pregnancy.

1,001 names to Embarrass Your Child for Life.

'A work in Progress.'

'I love my obstetrician! He brings out the kid in me!'

I wish my baby came with suction cups so there was a place to put him while I shower.

"My favorite painting? That's like asking who's my favorite child. It's Michael."

Eat your vegetables

"Juding by your expression, your mom made kale for dinner."

"Childbirth just isn't keeping pace with modern marketing. We still don't come with a manufacturing warranty.

'I'd really have the jitters if I knew the future, but your mom is supercool!'

'Come watch TV with me, Mom. This movie is for young and old.'

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

'Apparently this is called 'Nesting'.'