Mom Life Navigator T-Shirts

'It's going to be a long school year...'

"You might want to review the chapter on unconditional love."

"Your attitude is sucking all the fulfillment out of motherhood."

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"Then again, you can't be too agreeable. Mom will think you're up to something."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

No Immediate Danger

"Your mother and I are feeling overwhelmed, so you'll have to bring yourselves up."

Everyone agrees: Aunt Juanita needs a man.

"Having nannies really changes you."

"Use your inside scream."

Bashful in Nashville

'sugar and spice my eye.'

'Have a heart, officer... the little mite is starving!'

"Of course I love you, I'm just busy with other men."

'This app tells me how near my friends are...'

'None of the other things had instructions.'

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

"Me? I thought you were raising them."

A mother drives a mini-van full of kids; her bumper sticker reads "I'd rather be working".

"And they all lived happily ever after? Boy, that's not the version I found on YouTube!"

"Let's split up the jobs for taking care of the baby. I'll take care of what goes in to him. . . you take care of what goes out!"

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'There's more information available now than ever before. I can only block out so much of it.'

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

"Mom, Suzy keeps coming closer than 6 feet to me."

"I think he's outgrown the baby gate."

"I know it's 3 a.m. but don't you think this is a good time to discuss spending the holidays with my mother."

My changing Body: A Guide For New Fathers

'I think he's proud of his ability to be in the way in more than one room at a time.'