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Pushchair Mums.

'And to think I started out as a little bundle of joy.'

"I'd love to be a stay at home mum, but I'll get into so much trouble if I miss any more school."

"In lieu of a pre-nup we decided just to label everything."

What did I tell you about covering your bottom when you sneeze?

"Remember, pregnancy is like taking an exciting thrill ride at an amusement park only the seats are larger."

"Funny, I don't remember signing up for this."

"My inner child feels threatened by my inner baby."

'They're just adorable at this age - before they develop a personality.'

'I almost get out the door and then my mom yells...'Don't you know it's February?!' And here I am again...looking like an eskimo.'

'And you're sure you handed the baby to me?'

'sugar and spice my eye.'

Kids really do make you view the world from a different perspective...I'm on the floor, behind the couch, under the bed...

'Keep pumping Mildred.'

Preparing for a new arrival

Egyptian Mummy/Egyptian Mummy and Toddler.

"If we synchronize our tantrums, they'll have to stop talking. You in?"

"Mommy is having another baby. Let me assure you that any paradigm shift will be incremental, core values remain family-centric, and Mommy is committed to assimilation and building synergy."

'Our computer responds to voice commands, but our kids don't.'

"You're six years old and I'm your mother! - I'm SUPPOSED to impose my moral standards on you!"

My wife is the inspiration behind the light speed spaceship - the longer I'm married, the more I want to be the first human who lives on Mars.

"Everything started when I became a stay-at-home-mom of three little monsters."

KEEP YOUR FRIENDS CLOSE AND YOUR ENEMIES CLOSER, 'That kind of thinking leads to marriage.'

'He's not the man I married. In fact, none of them are.'

"So far mum's put on 10 kilos. I guess that's the best passenger safety airbag I'll ever get."

"This baby will hold more than a hundred and twenty-five cubic feet of family rancor."

"...Mom, can you get me a glass of wine?"

Mother's Day: 2nd Sunday in May, Others Day: Every day before and after the 2nd Sunday in May.

'We blow hot and cold. He argues it's too hot and I say it's too cold.'

Womb for Kids

Sadie, we need to see a couple's counselor. Yuck. No way! I won't spend a bunch of dough to have some halfwit tell me how to live my life! But I found an inexpensive counselor who will just listen to us talk through our issues. Counseling $10. This end up.

'Everyone does divorces, Mrs.Dawson.'

"Will you turn that TV down? Can't you see I'm on the phone?"

Doctor Tries to Explain Breast Feeding

"You have superior extra ocular muscle strength - how often do you roll your eyes at your husband?"