Mom-ents Of Laughter Pillows

"Have you met my bodyguard?"

"I said, was... it... a... difficult... birth?"

'Mom is feeling sick. She caught a baby.'

"I'll give you 15 minutes, no biting."

'All I want for Christmas is my old shape back again.'

'Here's one I made earlier!'

'I tried those once. They leaked.'

"Now pay attention when mother is speaking, Hubert!"

"It's true she's back to the same weight she was on her wedding day, but remember that she was 9 months pregnant with triplets then..."

'Actually the twins are not hard to tell apart. When I put them down, the one that cries is Dennis.'

'Before you return Principal Harris's phone call, I would like to remind you that having a 'living' dependant is an excellent tax deduction.'

'One small tooth for me...one giant worry for you.'

'Would you like your ultrasound photos standard, high definition, 3-D, or 4K ultra HD?'

'Let's hit the road, son! We are Baby Bjorn to be wild!'

"I told you I was too old to have a baby."

'The more you drink the more I produce.'

"I'm sorry Perkins,but that's one option for childbirth we won't be using."

The Impractical Guide to Babies: 'Give us a toot...'

Two breasts: No waiting

"We offer free delivery if you spend over $15,000."

"Here's 15 cents. I assume you'll go into debt one day putting me through college, so this will take some of the guilt off my conscience."

"Don't you dare ask me again...ARE WE THERE YET??"

"And Billy will have the Stomach Stable-Buster."

"No. I have the baby."

'It looks like your son hasn't changed his underwear in a year,'

'Do you think he's starting to out grow the pram?'

Caution Slippery When Wet.

'Starting from bedrock again, Mom?'

"It's worse than you think, doctor - his dad's supper is in there."

'My mom's so overprotective she won't let me run with sharp cheddar in my hands.'

Too posh to push - Cesarean Clinic.

"Of course your parents embarrass you. That's what parents are for."

"'To the greatest mom in the world, happy Mother's Day!' So...was the store all out of greatest mom in the universe cards?"

"I don't wet the bed anymore. We pay someone to come in and wet it for me."