Mollusks T-Shirts

"Really, Elwood...you have a pet snail?"

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Ever since you changed from a frog to a Prince you seem a little jumpy!"

"I've decided to cut out the middleman and self-publish."

Wolf to Red Riding Hood: 'No thanks, I'm on a strict grandmother diet.'

'Meet the author with her collaborators'

Shell Fire

Hansel and Gretal

Snail Man

Snail Pattern Balding.

'She said she was made out of sugar and spice, so I bit her.'

"Yes, Donald, I know you didn't expect a test today... that's why it's called a pop quiz!"

Sleepy Bunny

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

Hansel meets his biological mother.

"Can I hear Goldilocks and the three hares?"

"....And the humans go, 'Blah, blah, blah'."

"if you miss a payment, I'll huff and I'll puff and I'll blow your house down."

"You know what? I probably could have put Humpty Dumpty back together again but I was just too pissed."

"You know, it's a picture book. Needless to say, it doesn't have a lot of narrative scope."

"And this little poet cried ennui, ennui, ennui, all the way home."

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

Bear Porridge

"Say Cheshire Cheese."

"Yes, but what I really want to do is write children's books."

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel, let down your...Hey!'

"Is three blind mice one with or three?"

Small Clams Court

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

'Once upon a time there were three people...'

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'