Mollusc Muse T-Shirts

"The one's an en suite and the other's a walk-in wardrobe."

"How do you say ‘Where is the bathroom’ in Sanskrit?"

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Smoke a cigar that fits your face."

Shell Fire

Snail Pattern Balding.

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"Your mother says 'wear a bra'."

'Hey look I got a free newspaper with my wallchart of north sea molluscs aand DVD of elbow stretching excercises.'

"I'd be fast, too, if I had legs that long."

Small Clams Court

The Cona Lisa

Gardener and the Giant Snail

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."

Snail with lots of shells says: 'I've extended as far as possible, so there was nowhere to go but down.'

'. . . He's such a slime ball!'

Artist studies painting nudes by painting peeled bananas.

"There were times I wished I was an oyster, but I'm happy as a clam."

Notice - Salt Kills

"Forget it - I've tried it before, and cats can't be enlightened."

"I put in a skylight and it's made a world of difference."

Cat Annoyed At Mice Developing The Modern Ballistic Missile

'Are you responsible for this?'

"You have a mouse named Juliet."

Snail Homes

"I guess new carpeting was a bad idea."

But if you make his pearls for him, he'll never learn to make them himself.

'Is it going to be good for you?'

'Dude, the river is flooding! Get out of here as quickly as you can!'

"He's not in. Can you crawl back after lunch?"

"Bloody caravans..."

'Wow! She's one gorgeous looking slug!'

"I hate these tower blocks. . ."

Cézanne, Mont Sainte-Victoire

Society of Mollusc Breeders.